As I mentioned in an earlier post, the quarantine was a great way to spend more time with family and cook more. Unfortunately, not everybody had the great experience of being stuck at home that I did. Domestic violence has risen dramatically, and suicides have increased as well. We have also seen an increase in opioid overdoses too. This is all due to one common thing: an increase in isolation and more time at home. The image of a family playing board games and baking zucchini bread together is the one that we want to imagine, but there is also the image of those suffering from mental illness, living alone, and unable to see anybody. There are domestic abuse victims trapped with their abusers.
I have no idea how horrible it had to have been for those suffering. I could never compare myself to them and I will never say that what I felt during quarantine is at all equivalent to the pain they went through. What I will say, is that I felt some strain with being quarantined as well. I think most people agree that it was difficult to completely reshape their lives around. I feel horrible for those who lost their battles during this already hard time. I wish they could’ve got the help they so greatly deserved.
I have always considered myself an extreme introvert. I tend to be a homebody and not interact with people much. I didn’t realize that being stuck at home for months would be upsetting for me…but it was.
The thing I missed the most was my schedule. I had just finally gotten into the rhythm of a new semester and going to classes. Track season had started one week before the lockdown and I was excited to finally get in shape. I was kept on task from when I woke up at 6:30am to when I went to bed at 10:30pm. Yes, I was a stressed-out high school senior, but I loved my schedule and having the right balance of exercise, education, and time for friends automatically built-in. When I was told that all the senior events that I waited four years for were canceled, I was devastated. I was disappointed that my senior track season was taken away from me and I was sad that I wasn’t allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. I soon lost contact with friends and I felt extremely alone. Faced at home with nothing but boredom and time to think to myself was dangerous. I became very sad and doing even small homework assignments felt overwhelming. I was frustrated at myself for gaining weight and every time I went for a run at the park, it felt increasingly more difficult to keep running.
I was feeling what my brother called “the COVID-19 blues.” I simply wanted to go back to school. I wanted to say goodbye. I wanted closure. It was hard as a senior to have things end the way they shouldn’t have. I was angry at the world.
It was a very depressing time and I know that I wasn’t the only one who felt it. My spirits finally lifted when outdoor, socially-distanced senior events were planned and I could finally have graduation and attend graduation parties. Social connection is necessary. The impact of suddenly taking that away is scientifically proven as being detrimental to the brain. I know that this post is not lighthearted and uplifting, but it tells the dark side and truth to the often overlooked part of quarantine. Yes, I enjoyed spending time with family and making soups, but I also suffered.
Mental health resources:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline: 1-877-726-4727
